Emotional safety is basically the internal understanding that you are ok. Not that you are perfect or can’t be improved upon but that at your core, you are likeable and worthy of love and respect. If there are issues that you need to work on—and there are—great. Figure out what they are. Chip away at them. But understand first and foremost that you will be accepted.
Emotional safety is a building block of mental health. Without that basic level of self-assurance, everything else becomes more difficult. In this article, we take a look at why emotional safety matters and how you can build your notion of it up.
Why Emotional Safety Matters: Overview
Honestly, to describe emotional safety is to explain why it is important. What doesn’t become hard when you second-guess everything about yourself? Those on unsure emotional footing worry often that they won’t be accepted for their flaws. They assume that people in their lives dislike them or do not trust their judgment.
When adversity does occur—and it always will—they are unable to handle it productively. Consequently, they begin to lose confidence in themselves in other areas of their lives as well.
It’s hard to do your job when you doubt every aspect of yourself. It’s hard to form personal connections when you expect rejection.
Remember that mental health exists on a spectrum. You don’t need to be a foot away from hospitalization to need help. Good mental health means being able to meet daily challenges with confidence and emotional balance.
How Emotional Safety Can Become Damaged
Sometimes, emotional safety is just naturally lacking in an individual. More often than not though, it comes from a legitimate, external source.
Someone treated them in a way that made them feel unsafe. Unfortunately, it can take a lifetime to build self-assurance and a few bad moments to tear it all down.
How to Develop Emotional Safety
Developing emotional safety doesn’t happen overnight. We mentioned that already. Foundations take a long time to build and can be broken almost instantly under the right set of circumstances. Start by recognizing what situations make you feel insecure. Are they legitimately threatening? In many cases, they probably will not be.
There is a mindfulness notion that most forms of suffering are caused by a past/future orientation. You’re distressed not based on what is happening right now but on what has or will happen. If you’re thinking insecure thoughts, that might be one place to start.
Also examine the quality of your relationships. Is someone making you feel bad consistently? They might not even be trying to. Many of us have known the parent or friend or aunt who “helps” through criticism. If the relationship is valuable, you can work on it by simply addressing the way they are making you feel. If it’s not a relationship you think you need at all, break free. A friend that makes you feel insecure is not a good relationship to have.
Who Can Suffer from Insecure Emotional Safety?
Who can suffer from diminished emotional safety? The answer is anyone, at any stage of their life. A person might spend most of their life feeling completely emotionally safe and secure, and then have one or two experiences that jeopardize that peace of mind.
Most of the time, though, people who suffer from chronic emotional safety issues experienced some form of trauma during a period of life when they were especially vulnerable—often, that means childhood.
If you’re interested in making a positive difference in the life of a vulnerable child, there are many different career paths you might consider. Doctors and nurses are often the first to recognize when a child is suffering physical or emotional abuse.
School counselors, psychologists, and even teachers also play a role in identifying at-risk children and connecting them with the treatment they deserve and need.
Add to that list mental health professionals like therapists and psychologists, and you start to see how broad the response to emotional damage needs to be. Still, the person working most directly with the child is often a social worker.
Fair warning—the work is not for the faint of heart. These kids often need years of support before they’re ready to live healthy adult lives. Even then, the outcomes are uncertain. Kids whose abuse reaches the point where they require foster care usually face negative long-term outcomes. Very few graduate from college—which, while not the only marker of success, is troubling compared to graduation rates in the general population. Social workers often find that people on their caseloads are more likely to have negative encounters with law enforcement.
Foster kids frequently end up in juvenile court or even jail as adults. But despite these hardships—almost all of which are rooted in the child’s emotional suffering—it’s still worthwhile work. If you feel the calling, it’s something to seriously consider. The world needs more social workers, and this is one way you can make a meaningful difference in a child’s life.
Disclaimer: The content on Wellness Derive is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a healthcare provider for medical concerns.
